I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
