Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'd cum for enchiladas.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
