Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
