i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
