when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love you.
Bad choice
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
