Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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