You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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