Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
