based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
