I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
