Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize