There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
