Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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