Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
