She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
