she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
