The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
