The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
