I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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