I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
