the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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