fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
