So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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