So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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