Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
