I'm jealous of your bromance
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
