who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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