I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
