soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
false alarm, still single
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
