i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
