I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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