We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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