She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
