brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
