Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
