Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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