If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
