i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
