im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
