you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
