I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
