Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
