After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize