i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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