May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
