i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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