90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
