I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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