god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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