I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
