He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
