dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
