i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
