How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
