i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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