he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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