Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
