can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
