Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
