I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
