and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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