I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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