his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
