She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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