If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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