Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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