never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize