did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
